~Toxic People..~

I am a firm believer in the fact that there ARE toxic people in this world. What may be toxic for one person may not be for another. By nature, I seem to attract toxic people. I love all of my online friends and aside from ONE incident, I have rarely had a toxic online relationship. In real life? Well, that is a totally different story. D says that he thinks these sort of people are drawn to me. I love having friends. I want so much to be close to someone. Someone who I can laugh with, cry with and share with - someone with my same beliefs and family values. Someone who will keep my deepest secrets but not want to totally consume me. That has been the problem. Total comsumption. I can't seem to find a friend that will just stay a phone, visit, meet for coffee friend. I find people who attach themselves to me and want to completely smother me. Then, when I try to remove myself from them, it is all about how horrible I am. I have been told I am not a "girl's girl"- that women need and want total consumption friends - at least one in their life. I don't think that is true. I am in the process of trying to remove myself from one now. I have had a lot happen over the past few months but instead of giving me time and stepping back and letting me come to her when I need something, she has bombarded me. I have even sat her down and explained to her how I feel but it didn't do any good.

D says that I am like that with all people. He says I HAVE to have a way out. He says that anytime I feel cornered and put in a box, I look for a way out. Maybe he is right. I don't know. I worry about not being a "girl's girl" though. How will that affect Miss T as she watches me for how to be a woman? Will I pass this along to her? Will she be a bad friend as I am? ~sigh~ So many questions...