The worst word I know...
"Step"... I am a stepchild but it was one word that was NEVER used in my house when I was growing up. My Mom met my Dad when I was 5. He has been my Dad since then. He is a wonderful man whom I love with all of my heart. My real Dad wasn't around much and while we did because close friends before he passed a few years back, he was never my 'Dad'... I have one of those and even if we don't share the same genes and blood, he is there for me. Always. I have never been treated any differently by him or his parents than my brother. We are both his children. Period.
When I met D he was so open to my older boys. He was great with them. His parents and his sister were crazy about them and all was well. As they have gotten older and as we came to have little D and now Miss T, things have taken a drastic change. I told my MIL a few months back that my oldest son had ask what they did to them to make them not like them any more. She was shocked when I told her that it seemed that they had been making a much bigger fuss about 'their' blood grandchildren than what have now been come to be known as "Tina's boys". Even D, now that they are teenagers, seems to act as if they are not there sometimes. It is really very heartbreaking not to mention difficult on me to watch. It is a sore subject in my house.
This weekend was the Princess' party. Friday evening my parents took all of the boys to the fair while D, Miss T and I went to eat with D's parents. The FIRST question MIL ask T (as if she could answer anyway) was 'Where is your brother D?' It really took all I had not to say that he was with her OTHER brothers. As usual, though, I refrained. Saturday morning we all went to little D's soccer game. After, we went to grab a burger before heading to my parents for the party. When everyone piled out of the car, SIL brings out a bag for little D and inside is a few trinkets, a wrapped present which had a new bible with his name on it, a few toys and a late birthday card from D's aunt. Can I tell you how upset I was?
When we got in the car (they were following in their car), I mentioned to D that once again, they are bringing gifts for THEIR grandchild and leaving mine out. At little D's party last month they brought gifts for the Princess along with birthday gifts for the bday boy but nothing for the older ones. He said he agreed and didn't think it was fair. He tried to say they weren't thinking but as we have had this conversation before, he knew it didn't hold water for me. After the party (which is a WHOLE other post in itself), D's parents mentioned us coming either before or after Christmas to exchange gifts. I listened in without much input on the gift topic. They left this morning and I took the opportunity to tell D that the ONLY was I was going was if the gifts were one to one (or close)... if they couldn't be even with their gifts then no one would get gifts at all! It wouldn't be so bad if it has been this way all along but my older boys remember when they were "liked" and favored and now they are nothing but the "steps".
In this case, they are getting walked on like "steps" and I won't stand for it anymore! I was lucky, I guess, I have NEVER been called a stepchild or a stepdaughter and for that, I love my Dad even more!!!
When I met D he was so open to my older boys. He was great with them. His parents and his sister were crazy about them and all was well. As they have gotten older and as we came to have little D and now Miss T, things have taken a drastic change. I told my MIL a few months back that my oldest son had ask what they did to them to make them not like them any more. She was shocked when I told her that it seemed that they had been making a much bigger fuss about 'their' blood grandchildren than what have now been come to be known as "Tina's boys". Even D, now that they are teenagers, seems to act as if they are not there sometimes. It is really very heartbreaking not to mention difficult on me to watch. It is a sore subject in my house.
This weekend was the Princess' party. Friday evening my parents took all of the boys to the fair while D, Miss T and I went to eat with D's parents. The FIRST question MIL ask T (as if she could answer anyway) was 'Where is your brother D?' It really took all I had not to say that he was with her OTHER brothers. As usual, though, I refrained. Saturday morning we all went to little D's soccer game. After, we went to grab a burger before heading to my parents for the party. When everyone piled out of the car, SIL brings out a bag for little D and inside is a few trinkets, a wrapped present which had a new bible with his name on it, a few toys and a late birthday card from D's aunt. Can I tell you how upset I was?
When we got in the car (they were following in their car), I mentioned to D that once again, they are bringing gifts for THEIR grandchild and leaving mine out. At little D's party last month they brought gifts for the Princess along with birthday gifts for the bday boy but nothing for the older ones. He said he agreed and didn't think it was fair. He tried to say they weren't thinking but as we have had this conversation before, he knew it didn't hold water for me. After the party (which is a WHOLE other post in itself), D's parents mentioned us coming either before or after Christmas to exchange gifts. I listened in without much input on the gift topic. They left this morning and I took the opportunity to tell D that the ONLY was I was going was if the gifts were one to one (or close)... if they couldn't be even with their gifts then no one would get gifts at all! It wouldn't be so bad if it has been this way all along but my older boys remember when they were "liked" and favored and now they are nothing but the "steps".
In this case, they are getting walked on like "steps" and I won't stand for it anymore! I was lucky, I guess, I have NEVER been called a stepchild or a stepdaughter and for that, I love my Dad even more!!!
posted by Tina | 8:36 PM
5 Comments:
((HUGS)) to you and the boys. No advice. Just hugs.
I don't know what to say to make them see that the six of you are a family. Not just four, SIX. HUGS
That's heartbreaking. I hope things work out. You're a great mother to have concern over this.((hugs))
(((hugs))) While its not exactly the same, I've noticed in my husband's family that the adopted kids are always pointed out that way - ADOPTED. Even in contexts where it doesn't matter to the story being told. ugh ugh ugh. It scares me because we may end up going that route, and I don't want our kids (however they happen to join our family) to be singled out like that.
Dave's father is like that--he married Dave's mom when Dave was 10 and adopted them shortly thereafter. There is no question in anyone's mind that SIL and Dave are HIS kids and our children are HIS grandchildren--he couldn't love them more than if they were his blood and DNA. That's the way all families should be and I'm so sorry it's changing for yours. Lots of ((Hugs)) for you and all your kids!
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