~Recent Finish and "Got Milk?"~

On one of the cross stitch boards I frequent they have been passing around a chart as a Pay It Forward. You stitch it and then hold a drawing for someone else who then stitches it and passes it on. I have no idea what I wanted it, I just think it is interesting. Anyway, here is my finished Picasso's Rooster. Now, what in the world I will do with it, I have no clue. LOL



Oh, and here is a pic of baby T that Daddy took - Got Milk???

"You know, we should have...."

Today D and I cleaned out our room and threw away tons of clothes in preparation of moving our dresser to the older boys room. We are buying my brother's bedroom suite from my parents so they can use the money towards his headstone. While cleaning out the closet we ran across lots of boxes with pictures and papers and just various junk. If we ever need 3 copies of our marriage license we have them and they are now all in one place. Well, in some box in our closet but all together nonetheless.

While looking through pictures D made the comment that we should have stayed in the apartment complex in Dothan when I got pregnant with little D and just moved to a bigger one. My comment was "there are probably lots of things we could have done but we didn't..." Thinking about it though, if we had chosen to do that, things may have been considerably different. Better? Maybe - NO - probably not. Who is to know? We can both count our what-ifs and should-haves in the thousands and most of them would have not led us to each other. I can start my what-if, could-have, should-haves from the day after I graduated highschool. Would my life be all together different? Well, I think so.

To be perfectly honest though, I am glad it isn't. I am glad I chose the roads I did. I am glad I walked down the paths that have crossed me - even the ones that led to heartache, pain and despair. I would not be the person I am today if I had chosen differently. I probably would not have 4 beautiful, wonderful children that I cherish and adore. I probably would not have the strong faith that continues to grow in me each day and I know I would not have the peace I have now. How do I know? Because I am happy. Things don't always go my way but I am happy, I am blessed. My road lately has been rocky, my eyes have shed more than their fair share of tears and my heart has been heavy at times but through it all I continue to pray and thank Him for all that I have been blessed with in this life. He gives me strength even through my not so brilliant choices. He shows me that even at the end of bad choices and awful situations are loving hugs, open hearts, lessons learned and lives enriched.

What might have been? I don't know and honestly, I don't care to! It couldn't possibly be any better.

The Wedding Sampler

Big D never takes too much of an interest in my stitching. The closest he has ever come is 1) rolling his eyes when I get new stash in the mail and 2) mentioning that I haven't ever stitched for him when I make a gift for someone else. Well, in November we got an invitation to a wedding for a friend he works with... the couple has been together forever and have two children but had never actually gotten married. With invite in hand, D casually mentioned that maybe I could make them something "you know, like a stitched something". I was excited that he had made the request so I labored for a few days over the perfect pattern, fabric, etc. I started the piece and daily, I kid you not, DAILY he would ask my progress. I has gotten about 3/4's the way done. Then Aaron passed and I had to put it on hold. When I got ready to stitch again, right before Christmas, he then requested I stitch an Elvis pattern for his sister that I had printed a month or so earlier. So, I stitched that for our Christmas with his family. The wedding came and went without the gift being completed. I finally picked it up again and now it is DONE!!! It is done an ice blue fabric with Snowflake thread (hints of blue and pink). I had added some blue in and thought it was done. Today I went back in and accented with pink which made a HUGE difference. Now to get it framed without screwing it up. ROTFL I sure hope they like it!

~The Best Teenager in the World...~

Lives at my house. He is 13. He is tall and slender and wears glasses. He is intelligent. He knows more about some things (like Math) than I ever will. If he doesn't know he questions - he learns - he finds out. He doesn't care about what is popular in music or clothing. He certainly doesn't care about girls or cars or bikes.

In all seriousness, he is probably the best kid in the world. He is polite and compassionate. He doesn't talk back, he doesn't disobey and I mean that, he doesn't have it in him to be disrespectful or disobey. It wouldn't be right. And it wouldn't be fair to me or him. He would tell you that too! When someone offers him something he ask me first. He tells me every move he makes, he even ask if he can be excused to the restroom when we are at a restaurant.

One of our neighbors once told my Meme that she had never met a kid like him. She ask did my boys want to come into her house to play and he told her that he had to go and ask his Mom first. She was in shock. This week my Mom accompanied me to the doctors office to sit with the kids during my appointment. While I was out, she started giving baby T bits of Starburst. D told her to please excuse him and that he wasn't trying to be rude but that he didn't think I would approve of her eating the candy. He said that I might not appreciate her giving the baby sugar and that I generally didn't allow them candy before a meal - lunch in this case. My Mom laughed it off but made sure to tell me it had happened. What can I say, he knows the rules and lives and breathes them. And before someone thinks he was being rude, he wasn't. He is very matter of fact in his tone and his language but never rude. He talks as if he is about 40 years old.

And he doesn't lie. I know, a kid that doesn't like? Impossible, right? Nope. Not this kid. He doesn't lie. Not even to his brothers about something silly. He may get mad at them and fight with them but he doesn't lie to them. Lying in his opinion is a sin against yourself and against God. There is no good reason to lie. Not even about Santa or the ToothFairy or the Easter Bunny. That is a whole other discussion! LOL

Now, does he forget things? Yes. Do I have remind him several times about things like chores, medicines, brushing his teeth? Yes. Does he get into trouble? Sometimes but very rarely and it is usually small things like forgetting things. He always apologizes when he does something wrong even before I know about it in some cases. He reminds me when I forget things and always points out if something isn't like it should be. But, he is always polite about it and never, ever rude.

How did I get so lucky? Well, I have no clue. He isn't your normal child - he isn't your normal teenager. He is special. He has Asperger's which probably has something to do with how he is but I know in my heart that isn't totally why. He is just the best kid in the world. I consider myself so lucky to have him. I look at my others and feel like I am getting it easy now because I have lots of typical teenage days ahead of me.

Someday he will make someone very happy, someday he will be a wonderful Dad, but today he is only my son. He is perfect and I love him.

~Playing Favorites~ or Who loves you, baby?

I think we all have favorites - favorite food, favorite color, favorite tv show, favorite song and even a favorite relative. But, what Mother would honestly say they had a favorite child? Well, aside from a Mother of an only! LOL

The day after my brother passed, in one of my Mom's few moments of clarity during the aftermath, she stopped me in the kitchen. She looked deep into my eyes and said "You know I love you, right? More than anything in the world." I told her of course I knew that! She then followed up with "I don't want you to think I love your brother more because I am so upset." I was heartbroken and started crying. As a Mother I knew she had lost part of her heart and yet, she was worried about me thinking he was her favorite or that somehow she loved him more than me. I explained to her later that I would have been mad if she hadn't been as upset as she was those days. Aaron was her baby - she and I are best friends. Her relationship with me is, by nature, so much different than the one she had with him.I can relate to that as I look at my own bunch.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I came out of the store to find D and little D discussing something in the car. When I got in, D informed me that Little D thought we loved Baby T more than him. She is the "favorite" in his mind. I told him that was not the case at all and Little D replied "Good, because I didn't want to think that was true!" I didn't give it another thought. Well, yesterday morning I was laying on the couch asleep. Little D was laying at my feet as usual and Baby T was asleep in the bouncy chair next to me. At some point she woke up and Little D started getting in her face, trying to hug her, basically just bugging her. She started screeching so I ask him to please leave her be and suggested he go into his room and watch tv. He left the room or so I thought. Baby T tugged on my arm so I leaned down and hugged her, patting her back. When I raised up, Little D was standing in the hallway with huge teary eyes. He started crying. Then, he looked at me, with all seriousness and said "See, I KNEW it was true, you DO love her more than me!" Mommy meltdown.

I was heartbroken. The fact that my child could possibly think for one second that I loved any one of them better than the other was terrible. Unthinkable. What had I done to make him think that - how horrible a Mother could I possibly be for him to feel this way? I called him out and explained to him that she is a baby, he is a big boy, they have different needs, etc. I love you all the same. Mommy's can do that, God gives us lots of love for our children even when they are not so perfect. In Mommy's eyes, all of her children are special. He was better after that and went off happily playing. He returned later with a handwritten note for me that said "You aRe SweeT". I had to smile. But somehow, the silly conversation with my Mom took new meaning.

Now, as a mother, daughter and a sibling, these two events have been floating around in my mind. As a Daughter I love my Mom so much and having her think that I would ever question her love for me gives me great pause. As a sibling, I always knew that my brother's role in our family was different from mine. As a child, I don't know if I totally understood and I am sure there were many times that, like Little D, I felt the jealous tug. As I look at my children, I can only hope that one day they will understand that I love them all the same amount but in different ways because they are different people. I am hoping that I do not have the wrong approach to loving my children. I might have one that is closer to me in interests, one that I can talk to and relate to emotionally, one that makes me laugh, one that challenges me and four that just make me happy to be a Mom.

I hope that I never have to see that look on one of my children's face again and I really hope that I don't ever have to look at one of them the way my Mom looked at me and try to explain my grief in losing one of them. My love is endless and overflowing and just when I don't think I can love anymore, God grants me a small gift, a special moment, a giggle, a smile or a wonderful conversation... something that reminds me that just as he has unlimited, unconditional love for us, he has given me that same capacity as a Mother.

So, who loves you, baby? Mommy, that's who!

2007 Stitching Plans

These are the projects I would like to work on for 2007:

Gator Logo & Aaron Name Tree for my parents (start & finish this year)
Love with a Capital L (start on)
HAED Libra QS (continue from last year)
HAED Gathering Dew (continue from last year)
Confederate Piece (start & finish for D's birthday - October)
House Rules (start on)
Sunflower Sampler (complete)
Wedding Sampler (almost complete, frame and give to friends)

I will also be finishing up 12 Ladies Stitching RR and Story RR from last year as well as participating in Finishers 3.

WOW, that looks like a LOT all written out, doesn't it? LOL

Super Bowl Bound...

Boy, my baby brother has been busy from his cloud up there. His Colts won tonight!!! I have never been into sports but have a new appreciation. I know he loved football and at times I can see why. What an exciting game!! And COLTS WIN!!!

Shine on, Aaron, shine on!!! I love you!

The Wonderful World Wide Web

You meet so many people... people your age, people not your age, people from your past, people who live near you, people who live on the other end of the world, people with your same interests and in my case...

People with my same interests who live close to me AND who have children that look like they could be related to mine! ROTFL



AMAZING!

Missing Aaron today...

We thought of you today,
But that is nothing new
We thought of you yesterday
And will tomorrow, too.


We think of you in silence
And make no outward show.
For what it meant to lose you
Only those who love you know.


Remembering you is easy,
We do it everyday.
It's the heartache of losing you
That will never go away.

~author unknown

50th post!

Wow, I didn't think I could keep this up that long. Cookie for me! ROTFL

I guess I need to do a "50 Things..." post in honor. Tell you what - comment with your suggestions, I will pick one and edit this post to include my answers.

Boy, am I asking for trouble or what??? hehe

5 Hospital Days...

We made it home tonight from our 5 day hospital stay. Just me and T hanging out while Big D had the other 3 at home. Last night T and I had an amazing conversation. Earlier in the day when my Aunt came to visit him she was asking him about going home - I chimed in and said that I was sure he was ready to go home because he was probably sick of all the "Mommy time". He looked at me so seriously, with eyes so full of love and quietly said "No, I love being with you. I could be here with you all the time!" My Aunt said Awwww... which made him blush. He then added that if baby T was here too, it would be perfect and he would never want to leave. This made me smile because through surgery, bad hospital food, having to be bathed by Mom and being stuck in a bed he only thought of it as wonderful because he got to be with me. It was just that simple.

He ask me if we could start our "date nights" again like we did when we lived in Texas. Once, every other week, I would take one boy out with me for a "date" - when we moved back to Alabama, we stopped them. I told him we could surely start them again! Tonight after we got home, he didn't run off to play games (or rather watch the other boys play games) in their room, instead, he sat on the couch, next to me almost all evening until his bed time. Several times we would catch each others eye and he would smile. I love that smile.

I think sometimes we forget, especially if you have mutiple children, that they need and crave time and attention from us as their parents. I believe that we get so caught up in everday life that we often neglect something that is so easy and so fulfilling - spending one on one time with our children. While I would have rather him not have been hurt at all, I suspect that maybe God took this opportunity to remind me how special and wonderful my children are and how much I love being with them. No expectations, no schoolwork, no chores... just Mommy and Me. I am so blessed to have them and lately more and more He has been sending me little reminders of how much they love and need me and how much I NEED and cherish them!!

CHOMP! CHOMP!

Aaron, I know you are THRILLED right now. Be careful with all that cloud jumping I know you are doing!

CHAMPS, BABY!!! CHOMP! CHOMP!!!!

GATORS! GATORS! GATORS!

Menu Plan Monday

Time to get back on track since things have calmed down somewhat!



This is from Organizing Junkie

Monday - Florida Gators Game at my Parents - Fried Chicken
Tuesday - Pork Chops & Rice
Wednesday - BBQ Chicken & Corn on the Cob
Thursday - Out to Eat
Friday - Meatloaf
Saturday - Spaghetti, Salad & Garlic Bread
Sunday - Pork Roast, Potatoes & Cabbage

New Year... New Decisions...

After the service today I went and picked the baby up from nursery and the two youngest boys up from Christ's Crusaders. Before putting them in the car, I decided to make my way back to the foyer to talk to the Pastor. I told him we were ready to discuss membership with him. So, it looks like the end of this month we will start our membership classes and by the beginning of next month we will be members! I am so excited and a little nervous. I have not been a member anywhere since my oldest was born 13 years ago. YIKES!

As the pastor said in his sermon today, we all have a thirst for worship and while other things may give us "Snickers short term Satisfaction" only the Lord Jesus Christ can quench that thirst! This year is sure to bring new things for our family.

Through great saddness, comes great joy. The decision was one I had been grappling with but the events of the past month made it for me. My greatest comfort has been from my faith in Him and the knowledge that my brother was welcomed with opened arms.

Heigh Ho - Heigh Ho... Back to School...

Time to start with school work again. We haven't done anything since the week Aaron passed so getting started back was a bit of a chore for all! But, we made it through - not without a few bumps - hopefully next week will be better. I am still up in air about the history program we are using but the boys seem to be enjoying it so I guess I shouldn't complain too much. LOL We are just about finished with Treasure Island and will be starting a new group read aloud book. I thought it was going to be Tuck Everlasting but I am unsure now. I don't know if I should pick something more upbeat first or not. Decisions... decisions... oh and SUGGESTIONS are always appreciated.

T is standing now on her own in the middle the floor. She will get to standing, clap her hands and smile. If you go anywhere near her she will sit down. No walking yet but it should be soon.

I am hoping to get to talk to the Pastor this Sunday about joining the church we have been visiting. I am ashamed to say that we haven't been since all of this happened and I know we are all missing it and needing it.

Me? Well, I am still really sad and trying so hard to cope. I am wondering if I need to talk to my doctor. For some reason I worry that I am not handling this as well as I should. It could just be my imagination but some days I cry 100 times about 100 things. And I see Aaron everywhere - everything reminds me of him. I am told that is normal but MAN, this hurts so bad. I can't even begin to describe it. It is hard to fathom not being able to see him or hug him. I miss you and love you and wish you were here!

Faces...

The NEW DOLL face and Jack Sparrow.

Tat Crazy!

Aaron had lots of tats, he loved them!! He certainly used them to express himself. So, since one of his best friends is a tat artist, he offered to do memorial Florida Gators for everyone in our family. I didn't think my Mom would get one but she called me the other day and said she was ready! My Dad, who works nights and is never on standby was put on standby last night. He went too because he said that was a sign it was meant for him to have one! LOL My Mom got hers on her shoulder blade, Dad and Big D got theirs on their ankles and I got mine on my chest above my right... ummm, well, you know. LOL It can be covered which is all my Mom was worried about. I was so proud of my Mom, it was outside of her comfort zone for sure but Aaron was her heart and it was done with such love.

So, here is a picture of D's. I think it looks really good. I know Aaron was smiling down on us and loving that we were getting them. Aaron, I miss you more each day and love you with all my heart!!!